Well, I’m back. It’s been a whirlwind start to the year. For those following along on Instagram you know I’m 9 months postpartum. How I have two young kiddos is beyond me. I’m shocked everyday that I produced tiny humans who are just so awesome. I’m a mom. How is this possible? Kids really do surprise you in the best way possible.
I am also a mom without a mom. My mother unexpectedly passed away in December and I’m finally getting back into a routine in this world. I’m sad, all the time I’m sad. I was very very very close to my mother. She was my world and to live in a world without her in it is so odd to me. I can’t say that I’ve fully come to terms with everything. I’m a bit traumatize if I’m really being honest. I watched her die right in front me hooked to so many machines that were helping her breath and live. These days, I’m functioning, doing everything I’m suppose to do, getting back into a routine; being a mom, a wife, a sister, a niece, a colleague. Most days I feel I’m on autopilot. I’m doing all the things, but that’s just it, I’m doing all the things and that’s it, hoping one day my normal feels more normal. Praying it feels normal. I’m responsible for her estate, so grieving seems to be on delay as I take care of her affairs. January and February have been 2 months of navigating estate planning and deciding what to do with the assets she left behind, navigating her private affairs and making big decisions I thought I’d never have to make so young in life. She’s not here for me to asks questions, seek guidance, understand why she did what she did and when it comes to her financial decisions and even her health decisions I still don’t understand and maybe never will.
I’m exhausted, more than likely depressed, but I press on. She made me responsible for things because she trusted me. She use to say to me for years that I would need to take care of everything. She started saying these things to me at around 17 years old. It was subtle at first; random comments that came out of nowhere about saving money for myself, she would say, everything I have is for you, your brother and your sister. She’d say, Deidra, make sure it’s split in thirds. These past two months, I’ve done that. I’ve been fair, logical, I’ve honored her wishes, I’ve settled all the things and now I cry, I cry everyday, mostly at night. I’m crying as I type this. This isn’t my typical post. This is a sad post. I usually share fashion tips, happy life updates, but today, this space is for my grief, for the emptiness I feel, for the sadness that has consumed me over these past few months. I think it’ll be okay, but for now, I’m not okay, and that’s okay. I allow these emotions to come and go as they please because that’s what being human is all about.
Welcome to my grief journey. I hope you’ll stick around.
Hey everyone! First post of the year and I’m super excited to share. I know, I haven’t been posting much here on this platform, but life is truly happening these days. I will definitely try to post more often here as I know I have some avid readers who love to check in on here and see what I have to say. I want to kick off my first post of the year with an educational post of things I’ve been doing to perfect my wash n go to hairstyle. Since cutting my hair, I’ve learned a few things that are an absolute game changer for me when it comes to getting the perfect wash n go. First, allow me to begin with the basics.
What even is a wash n go?
A wash n go is washing your hair, applying your desired products to your hair and wearing it in it’s natural state without manipulation or altering the natural curl pattern. The pic above is the perfect example of my typical wash n go. This pic was taken a week after my cut. I washed and conditioned my hair, added my products and sat under the hair dryer for about 10 minutes and voila, wash n go activated.
So what makes this wash n go better than any other wash n go’s I’ve done in the past? Glad you asked, keep reading for the 5 things I’ve been doing that have helped me perfect my wash n go routine.
HAIR DETOX
Hair clarification is key to a getting your best wash n go. Invest in a good clarifying shampoo. If you want to take it a step further, invest in a good clarifying hair kit. The beauty of a hair clarifying kit is that it’s typically equip with everything you need to detox your kinks, coils and curls, but also can include other products to protect and prime the hair for clarifying as many veteran curlies know, clarifying can strip the hair dry and leave it a frizzy mess. If you’re looking for a good hair clarifying kit, check out CurlSmith Detox Kit. Not only is this kit worth the spend, it also includes some educational notes about hair detoxing and how often one should do it based on their shampooing regimen and hair type. I read up on this and educated myself about all things clarifying and let me just say, CurlSmith knows what they are talking about. FYI, this is not a sponsored post, I’m just speaking truth. If you’re like me, once a month clarifying is good enough to get the job done. Just remember, wash n gos come out better when you start with a clean head of hair. If your hair is full of build up, you’ll more than likely have a crappy wash n go. So clean those locs first. If you’re not in need of a clarifier on wash day, just do your regular shampoo for best results.
NOTE:
For those asking if co-washing is a good idea prior to the wash n go style, I say that’s a strong maybe. It really all depends on how much build-up you have. If this is the first time you’ve tried clarifying, more than likely your hair is full of build-up. Shampoo most def cleans the hair, but a clarifying shampoo will get everything a regular shampoo cannot. That said, if you’ve never clarified before and plan on doing a wash n go and want amazing results, opt for the clarifying. Please also note, co-washing does not get rid of all your build-up . Some of my best wash n gos come from a freshly shampooed head or freshly clarified head. Co-washing prior to a wash n go style always looks a mess for me. When in doubt, just shampoo your hair.
GET A HAIR CUT OR TRIM
Hair trims are necessary, hair cuts are just cause. If your wash n gos are coming out frizzy, or aren’t as defined as what you’re use to, a hair cut or trim may be what you need. I’ve met women with natural hair who have been holding onto straggling, split ends for years for the sole purpose of maintaining length. Look, I ain’t trying to tell you what to do with your hair, but CUT IT OFF! The longer you wait to do so, the more damage you’ll cause in the long run and what could’ve been a simple trim now has to be a cut. Also, split ends aren’t cute, especially if you’re trying to do a super defined wash n go. Once I cut my hair, my curls just came back to life and have so much bounce it’s insane. I’m not saying cut your hair, I’m saying get regular trims because that’s really how you maintain length. Let go of dead hair and if that means a cut, then so be it. Health over length people.
NO HEAT/ AIR DRY
This may not work for everyone, but this has been working for me. Because I’m home all the time due to the pandemic, I’ve learned that my hair does better when I air dry a wash n go. Yes, it takes forever for it to dry, but the results are 1000 times better than sitting under a hooded dryer. If you can ditch the heat all together, you may see an improvement in your wash n gos. I’d say give it a try. Of course, realistically I can’t do this everyday and do spend a quick 10-20 minutes under a hooded dryer, but when I can, I air dry and the results are amazing.
CHOOSE THE RIGHT PRODUCTS
I’ve been using the same hair custard on my natural hair since 2008. Don’t get it twisted, I’ve tried other gels, creams and custards, but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING, compares to the holy grail of hair custards and that’s Kinky Curly Curling Custard. It meets all of my hair requirements, it’s a jelly/custard texture and consistency, it provides a medium to heavy hold, it’s 100% clean, doesn’t leave my hair crunchy or have that white filmy residue post styling and most importantly, it is easily accessible and can be found at Target, Sally’s Beauty Supply and online. Yes, it’s pricey, but as someone who has narrowed their hair products down to 5 things, I’m okay with paying a few extra bucks. Here’s a list of my 5 hair products used in my weekly routine. This is not including the CurlSmith Detox Kit and Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle Conditioner which I use 1-2 times a month, one for clarifying the other for co-washing.
Using my hands as the comb and raking my fingers through my hair to apply the styling product has done wonders for me with frizz control and it gets the curls to stay in place the way I want them to. Your styling technique really makes a big difference in how your wash n go turns out. If raking isn’t working for you, other styling techniques like the praying hands technique or the shingling technique are options. Raking and shingling is just what gets the job done for me. I’ll occasionally do the shingling method, but because my hair is so dense and all the strands are really packed together, styling products get to my individual strands better when I rake and really separate things. Click here for a vid on the raking method. Click here for a vid on the shingling method and click here for a vid on the praying hands method. For my loose curls and waves I’m sure you’re familiar with the scrunch method. That’s also a great option for styling and getting that product in the hair.
NOTE: One thing to note is that everyone’s kinks, curls, coils and waves are different, so having realistic expectations about your hair is key. All the suggested techniques above are what works for me. I love sharing these helpful tips so people can try it out for themselves, but it’s important to keep in mind that all hair types may have different results.
I hope these tips were helpful. Some of this may not work for you, but it has been working very well for me and I thought I’d share as a resource for those who are still trying to perfect their wash n go routine. Other things to consider if your wash n gos still aren’t coming out the way you want them to may include:
Diet & Nutrion
Water In-take
Underlying health condition
Water Quality
Aging Hair
Hair Porosity / Hair Density Considerations
I’m not expert in any of the above listed topics, but these are things I think one should consider if your hair isn’t acting right or seems to not be responding how it typically would to a style like the wash n go you may have done all the time and without fail. Sometimes we overlook what might be happening on the inside of us and it’s so easy to do since hair is an outward feature. When my hair is acting up, I do consider my water in-take and diet and nutrition first. Also, I’m getting older and gray hairs are popping up everywhere and as most of us know, gray hairs can be unruly; it is what it is. I just work with it, but I digress…
Literally can’t believe that in less than a week I’ll have a whole 3 year old. In typical Charlee fashion she wanted to take a few pics in her new favorite dress and sneakers. Every year we do birthday pics and this year was the first time she had requests and knew what she wanted to do. We beat the rain and missed the harsh sun and was able to get a handful of awesome birthday pics for my sweet girl.
Charlee is such a beam of light and is clearly the life of the party. When she’s not obsessing over the color pink and unicorns, she’s embracing every new experience as it comes at her; asking a million questions, being an awesome leader to her peers and the best big helper at home with her baby brother. She’s so bright, so vivacious and so very curious about the world around her and she’s a caring, kind and nurturing soul. God couldn’t have blessed me with a better broke best friend, LOL.
In a strange turn of events, my sweet Char’s Char battling a nasty cold, so we sadly had to reschedule her bday bash and instead celebrated with cupcakes and trampoline jumps in the backyard this past weekend. Not the best way to bring in 3 years old but, one thing about Charlee, she rolls with the punches and knows how to make lemonade out of lemons. Here’s cramming 2 cliche sentences into this post. I’m a roll today, LOL.
Anywho… below are a few pics from her birthday shoot a few weeks back. In natural Charlee fashion, she requested a princess dress and sneaks for her shoot. A little sassy and a little athletic, just like her momma.
Coils Curls & Coffee 