Started off the new year taking a very chilly trip to the beach a few hours away. We love going to the beach this time of year because it’s calm and very few people are there. This was Baby’s Si’s first visit to the beach and was just taking it all in. He was so observant. He stood around and enjoyed the sounds of the waves crashing. He felt the sand seep through his tiny fingers. I have to always remind myself that most experiences my kids have are their first. They haven’t been here long and so I enjoy watching them discover, explore and take everything in. It’s a beautiful thing. My mom use to say, my fun is your fun. Now that I’m a mom, I understand. When I see them learning, growing, and enjoying, I feel that is my learning, growing, and enjoying. Motherhood is a mix of so many emotions I sometimes have a hard time articulating. It’s a bittersweet journey of wanting them to grow-up but not wanting them to grow-up too. I want them to be safe, but I also want them to take risks. I want them to be independent, but I also want them to want me. This journey has ups and downs. I feel guilty yet proud simultaneously. At times, I feel confused but also assured. I feel wanted but also overwhelmed from being wanted so much. Now that I don’t have my mom, I feel a sense of sadness. My kiddos will never experience how truly awesome she was. I’m left to stories and pictures. That’s okay. I mourn what could have been. However, I am hopeful I can effectively communicate what was.

Anyway, enough sadness for today….

Here’s some pics from our first family trip. I hope you enjoy.

Till next time…

Sincerely,

Deidra Marie